The Power of Seeing through your Entrepreneurial Fears - Seriously

The Power of Seeing through your Entrepreneurial Fears

I can remember going back 12 years ago in my life and waking up to the fact that I was done working for others and I had a dream living inside of me waiting to be born. I was in the base camp of the Davidson Glacier in the summer of 2001 in Southeast Alaska where, I spent 7 days learning how to mountaineer.  The rest of my group was off climbing a second mountain peak.  The day was clear and sunny.  I sat in the snow with the tranquility of the sun keeping me warm and at peace.  I was so in touch with nature, myself and all of my surroundings.  I had a confidence that I had never felt before. I was sitting alone; waiting for the small plane to taxi me back to civilization after a week of mountaineering.   In the serene silence of being so connected to mother earth, I had a visual  apparition to include robust sound glaring out at me.  I had never in my life ever felt Energy around me so Pure that I knew it was our Divine Creator who had my full attention to alter my imagination.

I was shown my Life’s Mission, a real Purpose for my existence and the reason I was sitting on a glacier in the middle of the back country of Alaska with no means of leaving without a plane.  From my perspective, I was NOT trained to act out this mission and purpose.  This was very foreign to me. This was the polar opposite of my conditioning. 

(Today I AM aware that my first career and all my experiences are what trained me for my Life Mission and my Purpose) 

 I did believe in miracles yet I can’t say I had any experience being part of one back then.  And it was also very foreign to me back then to be having these vivid conversations with the Divine Almighty in this fashion.  I wrote everything down that I heard, I saw and felt and refer to those notes quite frequently.  The last question I remember being asked was “are you willing to step into a life of meaning and purpose and fully wake up? I said YES YES YES and not really knowing what that specifically meant, yet it intuitively made sense – my YES was authentic and pure which allowed me to walk through the doorway of truth with ease and that was when the real personal development training started. I felt myself breaking free as through an inner light broke through my mind.  

  My egoic mind was filled with the illusions that magically I would just wake up to being something different without actually doing any personal development work, which back then I did really know what personal development work was.  I seriously thought this “prophetic apparition"  was some kind of instantaneous pill to reshape my life similar to the Matrix movie.  It did not happen that way.  This Divine invitation opened me up to a new world if it wasn't enough for me as a big city gal to mountaineer in the back-country of Alaska.  My world was expanding magically as I leaped forward into the new.  

What I did not know back then was a lot of what I did NOT know and how much entrepreneurial fear lived inside of me and my own limits I carried about how much success I would allow. 

I did not have entrepreneurial role models that encouraged the reinvention of my life. I certainly did not have the ability to truly articulate the psychology of human behavior within workplaces and how emotion, and behavior affected the relationship between leadership and staff , the bottom line and the energy moving through the inside of the  business as I AM the expert of today.

 I could go on and on about what I did not know and I could have buried the dream that was planted within me.  I was trained by corporate giants to play a role in feeding and serving the bottom line (sales) and to be a bridge between customer and the corporation I represented.  All I knew was people mattered and deserved to happy and have fun at work and in personal life instead of constantly carrying heavy burdens that sucked away inner joy and sabotaged constantly feeling good and succeeding.  I wanted to be done with sabotaging my own life.  Living a life of meaning and purpose is all I wanted.   A vision was planted inside my imagination, growing inside of me and waiting to be emerged into action.

You may be very similar to me over a decade ago, having an idea brewing inside of you, yet you are still in your cubicle dreaming about someday. No one ever accomplished something great someday. The truth of the matter is deep inside of you feel lost and a bit petrified because of the leap into unknown, so you procrastinate because your cubicle is safe, predictable and consistent.  You can only avoid your purpose for so long. In my experience when I was here, the Universe reached out to pluck me from my cubicle because I did not move forward.  I was all talk and no action.  That was almost 10 years ago.  That was one of the best gifts to receive that startled mix emotions of excitement and to the fear involved in actually putting my services out there.  I did it.  I leaped and so can YOU!!!

One of the most dangerous places to be is being blind to your own fear and lying to yourself about it. One of the greatest excuses I hear is how swamped or busy a person is to really invest in the prosperity of their dreams.  The problem with doing this is you never really allow yourself to connect and interact with your business dream and have a healthy relationship to fuel your enthusiasm and build your business on your terms.  By using this excuse you disconnect yourself from people who can help support your transition into a life of meaning and purpose.  It suppresses and delays your happiness and exhausts your energy leaving you in the someday syndrome.

 I will share I made many painful and costly mistakes that the consequences had me face some of the greatest storms and trials of my life around self-sabotage, procrastination and avoidance behavior-- and most of all the FEAR of the UNKNOWN. And in the early years of my practice I made the mistake of still having an employee mindset that operated my business and not fully allowing my brand to be visible and being led by the industry instead of being operating by my terms. I see many self- employed people running their businesses this way and being more miserable than they were in the cubicle.

Because of these priceless experiences directly correlated around entrepreneurial fear, I have learned to master many lessons and have a heart- filled passion to pass on my learning to other entrepreneurs and emerging businesses no matter what stage you are in your entrepreneurial practice.

  I AM inviting you to join me in attending my original teaching that is geared to fast-track you and your success in feeling freer and confidence as you move forward.  My product name is " Free From Fear: Employee Street to Entrepreneurial Blvd" It is designed for show you a direct pathway to shortcut your mistakes, boost your Energy, your Sales and your Business.  http://www.thebusinessmd.net/free-from-fear-AK.html    

Please take a look and contact me to share your thoughts.

Genuinely,

Christine 

TheBusinessMD

What are you Focused on Today?

           What are You Focused on Today?

Like it or not we are all focused on something.  Your focus is either contributing to building up or tearing down your life – like it or not. 

Often many of us are so focused on our conditioning, our fears and our limitations instead of being focused on living a life full of meaningful purpose and our divine natural talents, gifts and strengths.

What you allow your mind to buy into is so powerful that I ask you this very critical question – who is leading your focus about what is possible in your life?

Be honest with yourself, is it your conditioning, the media, your circle of influence?  Or is it co-created between you and our Divine Creator with intentional creation? 

I recently found myself reading an article on The Picture of the Day titled “Living on the Edge”. It is a picture and story about a young man named Alex Honnold who is known as the best in the world for being a free soloist, where he climbs natural rock formations in record speeds around the world without ropes, without gear and relies on the power of his mind.    

Sounds a bit insane, unsafe and deadly, right – Yet, Why?

 That would mean such an inner self trust, self-discipline and self-reliance would need to be accessed and directed toward living in the present moment. It means you have one shot to get every move right. It means all the conditioning of what is possible or how something can be accomplished or how long something needs to take is released out of mind and out of your focus of normal. It means reaching a profound place within yourself where the mind is silent and you are free from stress, distraction and doubt.  This is the place of your inner power and being connected with the power of our Divine Creator.  

Diving within yourself to connect to this concentrated power of silence and focus which eliminates the noise places YOU 100% in charge of your mind to lead your life. And to give up your excuses, doubts and step into the magic of life.

This power lives inside of all of us.  You may not be wired with the same gifts as someone such as Alex Honnold yet you are here for something magnificent.  You are able to access the same dimensions inside of you to finish your work sooner than later, to involve yourself in richer life experiences, and to continuously evolve beyond the limitations of society and your past conditioning.

Take a peak at this short video and article on Alex http://twistedsifter.com/2012/07/picture-of-the-day-living-on-the-edge/   and then ask yourself what am I focused on today?  

Please write me, would enjoy hearing how your plan shifting your focus --christine@thebusinessmd.net 

Genuinely

Christine

Are you evolving or revolving your business today?

Are you Evolving or Revolving your Business Today?

A common mistake that many professionals and many business leaders create is in not really knowing the difference between evolving and revolving.  It may seem to be a very simple differential, yet it is not.

Both evolving and revolving use physical, emotional and mental energy to focus on something such as solving a common business problem of talent  challenges or leadership dynamics or expanding market reach to name a few. 

To keep it simple, imagine you have access to an all-day commuter train tour and you invite everyone in your culture who contributes to your business and marketing strategy, business development and talent management on this ride.  You plan on really connecting to the heart of the matter by first connecting on this tour to help all of you build up innovation.  All of you are scheduled to be together on this train for 2 weeks to really connect to discover answers and solutions.

The conductor begins driving the train down the track.

The tour operator who is charge of communicating about the sites begins sharing.  All of you feel enthused.  As each hour passes you notice that all of you hear the same message over and over.  And you see the same sites over and over.  You and your team are feeling frustrated, shortchanged and drained.  You realize you are on a revolving train tour that is spinning around the same circular track and you are BORED.  And now you and your team spends your energy focusing and complaining about the problem.  The train operator believes this is normal.  It is okay that no one is happy because they still are making a profit.    

This hypothetical example is how many businesses make decisions and justify circumstances.

To really evolve, means you and your team jump on the train.  You are chugging down the track seeing new landscape, learning new things and opening up your inner voice to articulate new moves that lead you to actionable solutions.  The mind of your business is expanded charged with heightened motivation and enthusiasm. Your new way of thinking and managing energy is taking your business to new terrains.  You not only talk about the challenges that your business faces, you delay procrastination and take immediate action to step forward to heal the past, to stop muddling in the same mud puddles  and clean your business up and organize the mind of the business for maximized success.

I ASK YOU – Are you evolving or revolving your business today?

Genuinely,

Christine

Christine M. West, TheBusinessMD

Industrial Organizational Psychologist 

www.thebusinessmd.net 

Saying “NO” to Bamboozled Hoodwinks and “Yes” to Straight Up Service

Customer facing service agents are the front line of every business no matter if you are a soloentrepreneur who wears all the hats in your business, a small emerging business to the big corporation or anything in between that have a customer service department.  The way your front line interacts with your existing and inquiring customers affects your reputation, customer retention and bottom line profits. 

You invest a lot of time and energy in your front end systems of marketing, public relations, selling, and on-boarding clients by an online store or you do it through a human sales force that you continuously develop while paying high end commissions to nurture relationships and to close new business. When profits are flowing everybody’s happy. Everyone is making MONEY.   The customer on-boarding process is easy, the customer/consumer feels welcome until some customer or potential reaches out picks up the phone to work out a dilemma with a live person and one of two scenarios is about to play out  -  either that customer service agent enhances the relationship or exacerbates a fast deterioration.  I will elaborate more on that in a moment.

Let’s take a step back and review the past 10 years. The last decade expansive advances in technology on the rise have diminished even more the distance barriers to allow an extended marketing reach, more flexible work dynamics than we experienced last century and more innovative ways to deliver products and services. It is more common that businesses work with a clientele from various demographic regions today. 

Technology has allowed for process automation of both internal and external systems with the intent of increasing time efficiency and lowering monetary costs of having human labor.  Streamlining and cutting out the fat in a business is one thing; to cut out lean muscle on the back end system of “Straight Up” genuine Service is a big no-no costly mistake. To cut costs, so many businesses employ under skilled folks to be the problem solvers, relationship menders,  and preserve a positive image in how they  care for their customers. 

For example if you are a business selling high end product/experience/service that requires an investment from your customer, why would you have a unskilled low paid hourly worker answering the phone when someone inquires/needs clarity/ has a discrepancy  about the experience or have only a website that is difficult to navigate and makes it difficult to talk with a live person who can really nurture, care, solve, have empathy and buildup to develop a long term relationship of repeat business and promotes to others a positive experience integrated internally on the back-end of the business?  

What I am talking about is Straight-Up Service.

I have seen this scenario play out heavily in the hospitality, tourism, telecommunications, technology, retail, shopping, advertising, marketing, health/wellness, and the personal development space.  

 

 This is what I call a “Bamboozled- Hoodwink” approach where the business has invested a lot in the front end experience to hook the prospect, convert prospect into customer and even provides a lot of value in the product / service / experience and then something happens. A psychological disconnect in the mind of the customer has occurred. They need to talk with a person in your organization that can solve their disconnect and be of service.  This is where the customer walks away feeling better about doing business with you instead of resenting you. 

When resentment is contained early on it can easily be corrected.  When a business faces resentment that has built up over time erupting below the surface it can spread over night like weeds choking a beautiful harvest.

Here are some common mistakes of businesses that take the Bamboozled- Hoodwink approach:

·        Over promising and under delivering.  I am a big supporter and endorse a business who creates service level packages ASKing their customer to commit.  It is better to under promise and over deliver.  Psychologically this builds you up in the mind of your customer instead tearing you apart and out of litigation. 

·        Forcing customers to stay in a committed agreement with you when you are the one is not holding up your end of the agreement.  If your outer appearance offers an easy build up for the client and the inside of your business is mess that creates of chaotic stressful burden for your customer and their business -- this ends up being an unhealthy relationship.  You cannot expect someone to stay committed to you and pay you when you are not holding up your end.  This is great way to create resentment and have a poor reputation that ends up being a bigger mess to clean up that you ever anticipated leading to high turnover in both staff and in clients.     These businesses usually have a lot of negative hype written about them on the internet from resentful customers.

·        Your working approach is adding negative stress to the customer because you have rigid processes and a mechanical way of connecting with your customer instead having a human-friendly approach that allows ease, flexibility within the structure and efficiency.  This means you are to navigate between the company rules and being Human so your customer feels satisfied.

·        Asking the customer for constant referrals or testimonials when you and your customer just started working together. You are in the courting stages of the relationship and the customer has no measurable result to share.  This clearly illustrates a relationship that is more about you than your client.  Psychologically what you are doing is you are adding stress to the relationship with your client, leaving your client beginning to question working with you and never fully gaining the trust that is needed to accelerate results.  You suppress fruits of the relationship. Once the client receives measurable results – YES by all means Ask for referrals and a testimonial.     At this point the customer feels good about the relationship and you will receive a better testimonial. And your customer will want-to not have-to.

·        Bait and Switch.  Promising some innovative terms during the onboarding contract signing that the customer is expecting to have.  These terms really made entering into the contract attractive.  And then when the customer does not receive those terms and inquires, the customer facing agent communicates they were never authorized, misspoke, apologizes and offers a gift to the customer that has little or no valued meaning to building up the relationship.  It psychologically plants a dormant seed of mistrust that out of nowhere erupts and the customer is vigilant.

·        Signing customers on and hiding terms of the agreement.  No one likes to be blindsided and deceived.  Many online stores have very attractive services that allow the consumer to sign up for a low price to receive an item.  The law states the terms need to be sited on the sight.  It does not mean in BIG BOLD letter flashing at you.  So these Hoodwinks bank on people NOT paying attention and start automatically dipping into the consumers credit card month after month.    I have seen these businesses written up on Ripoff forums on the internet.  By the time the consumer pays attention to their credit card these “Hoodwinks” end up with a range of $20,000 - $500,000 per month because people do not pay attention.  By the time the consumer contacts the company to receive a refund they end up with some Bamboozled- Hoodwink hip answer of mechanical standard operating practices.  You the consumer have just donated a range of $59.95 -- $795.00 of your money for what in return.    An easy solution for Bamboozled- Hoodwinks after consumer makes initial purchase sent consumer email to confirm membership to XXXX and allow consumer to confirm with all the valued benefits to encourage usage.  At least if the consumer uses the services 1 x and forgets it their responsibility – they did not get forced or deceived by terms they were unaware of.

  

·        Marketing/ Advertising a high end experience that when inquired upon the consumer talks with a low paid unskilled agent who does not match up with the experience and cannot speak the language of the people who can afford such a luxury.

·        Having either only a Voice mail for me to call or having too many computerized prompts with such a long wait time of annoying music.  People want to communicate with live people.  People want to be acknowledged and heard. They want to be able to reach out to have their situation solved or their question DIRECTLY Answered.

Straight UP service enhances and nurtures the buildup of the relationship. It works hand in hand with the front end systems and sales force.  The customer feels valued even when “shit-hits-the-fan”  

People can feel the energy you put out – it is better to serve the best interest of the relationship instead of having  a Bamboozled- Hoodwink approach?

Straight-UP Service is about looking out for your customer’s interest not just your own.    Hiring a bunch of low paid low skilled folks to field, avoid, dodge and bamboozle complaints is missing a bigger picture and I recommend an adjustment in how you see your customers.    A customer facing agent that has a loving supportive direct approach can often melt grumpy people and solve the issue to retain an ongoing relationship.   More often than not people just want clarification to gain understanding not to beat you up.  Guess what that customer has every right to ASK you questions about the process, their billing or anything else that pertains to the business relationship.  

If you are avoiding direct communication with your customers you are NOT serving them. If you give FLUFF answers and only communicate by email YOU are NOT serving the needs of your Customers.  You are serving your needs only.   

 How you operate your business on the inside and back end with customers will directly affect your retention and profits.  It’s up to you.  

As both as a consumer and a business owner I say YES to Straight Up Service and NO to Bamboozled-Hoodwinks!

Genuinely, 

Christine

Selling Naked: The Genuine Key to Connecting

Selling Naked: The Genuine Key to Connecting

I recently started swimming regularly lately.  I had a unique experience in the ladies locker room that is truly worth sharing.  As I exited the pool, entered the locker room and began to shower.  Other ladies were already showering and were in conversation about their frustrations about their workplace.  As I continued to listen, I began to chime into their conversation as ALL were showering.  The group of ladies started to inquire about what I did for a living. 

I started sharing and these ladies wanted to know more.  We kept chatting as we all left the showers to begin to dry off.  As I opened my locker, I had my smartphone handy and my business cards.  I distributed my business card to this group and asked if they had time for quick presentation through my smart phone.  They all said YES.

Wow to my surprise, I had never until that moment presented TheBusinessMD’s services butt-naked in the flesh to other butt-naked in the flesh audience.    I did, it was well received and this is what I learned.

All of us authentically connected heart to heart as a union.  Coming together in this enthusiastic merger, these ladies received the knowing that I genuinely understood their frustration because I empathetically connected into the GAP of their frustration.  They in return clearly understood I AM a resource to provide relief.  Because I truly allowed myself to be seen and to be vulnerable, this established trust between me and my audience.  I received an invitation to share more information about TheBusinessMD at their workplace.

Being NAKED had nothing to do with the physical – it had everything to do with the emotional and energetic side of me.  Revisiting these ladies with my clothes on did not change the connection between us, by staying consistent to heart centered selling developed a new client relationship.   

The Indentured Servant’s Servitude

               Time to Break Free into Service

Often when we think of the term “indentured servant” we think cheap labor or being a servant to a big employer. What I am talking about is whether you work for someone else or for yourself we are often the indentured servant to servitude.

How can that be if I am self- employed? What I am talking about, you might ask – the self-employed set their own hours, dress code, policies, rates, product creation, services etc. and I agree.     

Where businesses of all sizes and of psychological makeups get themselves in trouble is in their way of thinking and their decisions that move them away from acting from a place of service into behaving from a place of servitude with their customers. 

To illustrate a real example of what I am specifically meaning, about 3 weeks ago I discovered that I forgot to pay my DIRECTV bill and my services were turned off. When I looked online to pay the bill, additional fees were added on and I wanted to talk to a live person.  When I phoned customer service, the recording said you cannot talk to a live person until you pay your bill and disconnected me. 

My first reaction was hmmmmm what a joke.  I phoned back and pressed 0 on my phone for an operator and the same message played “you cannot talk to a live person until you pay your bill” and disconnected me.  So being clever, I decided would outwit this system and a human will talk with me to explain my bill and to resolve this issue.

Yeah I was excited, I outwitted the system and I was connected to a human in a call center outside the United States.  This person said “all systems are down we cannot see your bill to review it with you.”  I let her know about the message recording that said “you cannot talk to a live person until you pay your bill” and disconnected me. She promised me if I call back in a few hours that problem would be resolved and a customer service person would be delighted to help me resolve the issue.

Guess what, I phoned back 4 hours later and received the same unfriendly recording.  Since I knew now how to outwit DIRECTV’s system to access a human, I did and was connected to a USA call center.  I explained to this human I want to pay my bill, I want further explanation of excess fees and wanted to know why I never received a bill, phone call or anything. Now surprisingly this human only explanation was this is our policy and I was disconnected.    

I phoned again and when I reached a human, I was frustrated. I asked the same questions again in a very different tonality.  I received the same unacceptable answers.  In that moment I thought to myself, I must be asking the wrong question.  So I asked this human, would you please connect me with a higher level human being that understands the concept of service.

Wow, this decision of mine to ask for what I wanted changed everything.  I was transferred to this lady named Susan.  I explained my frustration of the events that took place, asked for explanation of the bill and I asked for the DIRECTV service to be disconnected.  I was no longer interested in being a customer of a company that has wasted so much of my valuable time on paying a bill and who lacks any kind of service. 

Something magical occurred in this moment.  Something I never consciously fathomed ever happening.  Susan said “wait, wait, hold on, Christine, I am looking at your bill and the first thing I want to occur between us is for me to restore your FAITH in mankind and in our company.  As a company we have been charging you for some unnecessary fees the entire time you have been our customer.  I want to make things right with you. “

Susan had my attention and I replied “I am listening”.  Susan said “what you need is a clean slate and it is time to start over.” She asked me “when I watch the TV what do I enjoy watching” and then she said “I do not want to lose you as a customer, I value you.  I have taken away all the charges on your bill to where the bill has a credit that DIRECTV owes you and I have customized a  DIRECTV program offering that meets the TV watching preferences of your viewing needs that is half the price of what you were paying. I have taken you out of being obligated to a contract so you are FREE to stay with us as long as you like. And I am giving you all the movie stations for FREE for 6 months.  If you remember to pay your bill on time for three months in row, you will receive additional GIFTS from us.  Christine, would you stay as our customer? “

Tears of joy lightly filled my eyes and joy was filled in my heart because I never expected this to occur as it played out.  I said “yes, I am honored to stay because of you and because of your genuine service of going above and beyond anything I would have ever expected.  You treated me as a customer and let me know you actually care about me and my needs.” 

In this story, Susan was the only person I spoke with who understood real service and kept me as a customer. She really did help to restore my Faith that there are people who do digest what genuine service is.  She paid attention to what my needs were and corrected current and past mistakes on my account. The other employees I spoke with made the situation worse because they acted from a place of servitude the kept them unwilling to work outside of their comfort.

Susan on the other hand made the decision to go above and beyond – and DIRCTV kept me as their customer.

Genuinely,

Christine

Disabling Fear

Fear is a fight or flight response which is built into the human defense system inside the brain.  Inside our brains design is the amygdala where emotional learning, stress, memories and fear conditioning take place.   The amygdala is our 911 signal that is automatically activated when we perceive something as a threat - adrenaline is released, the heart pumps faster, breathing becomes more rapid to increase the intake of oxygen, we become hyper-vigilant to the danger, etc ..  

Basically the flight or fight response prepares us to take some action – either face or escape the danger!

The emotions and tensions produced by our bodies can also be activated by our perception of numerous other threats, many of them real and many of them imaginary.  For example if you were being run down by a predator such as bear, your reflexes would kick in to do anything necessary to save yourself, right?   

When we imagine that people are criticizing us, or that we’re about to be fired from our job or our partner is cheating or lying  – if these are truly imagined threats - our bodies respond to, even though they are false and only imagined by us. When we form a belief about the state of the world around us, emotional learning takes place and is saved in the amygdala, which responds to this “belief”. Needless to say, we spend much our waking moments gathering information and making decisions about the world we experience. What we believe and accept as our truth, our bodies follow and respond to.

Those of you, that may claim to never have the direct or imagined experiences, still take in second hand experiences and learn from the wisdom of others - we tend to rely on the opinions of “authority” sources – friends, newspapers, TV, teachers, parents, etc, in forming a belief about the state of the world around us.

Stress and anxiety that we experience are natural responses to anticipated threats to our well-being. If we believe we are losing money, our home, our job, our spouse is cheating, and our kids hate us, we react with a sense of alarm and tension.

Yet on the other hand if we are expecting to win the lottery, inherit a fortune, receive a promotion at work, make a large amount of money, be happy, meet the partner of your dreams, now that is exhilarating!! We become enthusiastic and our world is a much happier place, right?    

So what we really want is more enthusiasm, more joy, more happiness, more love and less stress and fear, right?   What do we do when we feel fear, anxiety, worry, doubt and stress out? 

Allow me to redirect your mind about how you view fear.  Fear is an energy that needs direction – its waiting for you to give it instruction and guidance.  Once you learn to take a leadership position over your fear and stress- this becomes exciting – and you become aware and skilled at regulating your emotional states and energy management.  

Yes this does take practice – the better you get at it – the more fun life is -   

You have a choice – to either instruct your fears to take action in a positive enthusiastic manner or in a stressful struggle. It is all up to you –       

Genuinely,

Christine 

Awakening the Vital Power within the Cultural Identity

Intense innovation and customer focus are the keys to an emerging organization.  Often complexity and distraction lead to increased focus on the short-term bottom-line with core-principles left on the backburner. This focus mirrors a lost sense of identity, value and vision. When the critical foundation of maintaining core-principles is lost, the result is inflexibility and stagnation instead of bold growth and cultural maturity that are necessary to continuously be dynamically resilient. 

Changing a mindset is never easy. Usually, a strong jolt is needed before people realize that the current way of doing things is no longer adequate. Awareness to the need for change is achieved most effectively when the culture is under pressure. This stress triggers a cultural change process.

Pain in the cultural system makes people aware of the serious consequences of maintaining existing patterns. Often, however, key players initially react to this awareness with shock and disbelief. These reactions activate defensive routines that block further movement; fear of the unknown contributes to a reluctance to identify the root cause and implement a change solution.

Hopefully, this is only a short term reaction. Once there is the recognition that the status quo cannot be maintained, the stress, fear and change is to be confronted.  There comes a point when clinging on to the status quo only creates deeper problems.

 

At that point, diving into the unknown is the lesser of two evils and the commitment to change begins. This may seem an insurmountable obstacle for the key players, especially if core values have become lost in a changing environment.  Yet, the vital awakening power starts from becoming aware of how the key player’s behavior impedes or promotes healthy functioning in the culture.  Unawareness or resistance to either can seriously affect performance throughout the organization.  A softer approach is recommended to develop a culture that enhances human capability through individual and organizational learning.

Top-down structural changes and policy enhancements only produce an illusion of order and control.  Power holders assume that employees will internalize the new rules they prescribe and automatically change. Cultural defensive patterns cannot be changed by only structural changes, however, because they only scratch the surface of any transformation effort Instead, considerable social interaction is needed among participants for mindset change because most behavior takes place at an unconscious level, which is not easily altered.  

Change occurs when an examination of unconscious activity in the daily work and new activities are introduced, followed by a new interpretation of the construction of shared meanings among participants at all levels of the organization.  This act instills the vital power to create a shared mindset, changed behavior, institutionalize change, and transform the organization into a renewed cultural identity of resilience.

Genuinely,

Christine 

Cut the Strings with the Control Freak in your life

At some point in your life, you have had an experience with a control freak. They show up in our lives in all shapes and forms. These people insist having it their way and in all interactions with you. They set the agenda and decide how and when something will be done. You know exactly who these people are in your life - they are family members, friends, a romantic partner, a spouse, a coworker or a boss – they are driven by the compulsive need to be in charge and control the pace of events and the relationship. And it is your job to automatically play the assigned role that they have decided on your behalf, otherwise by not living up to this role, clearly in the mind of the control freak you are a threat that did not accede to their needs and demands; which creates unhappiness and unwanted pressure for the control freak.

I am in support and promote being in control of your own life. Yet if you have the controlling need to have control of the people around you and you cannot rest until you have your way – you are a Control Freak and have a personality disorder.

The factual truth of the matter is the Control Freak is so terrified deep down inside of being vulnerable, because then it would be very uncomfortable and they would fumble around similarly to fish out of water.

The Control Freak is compulsive – a person who seeks perfection, orderliness, workaholic, inability to make commitments, trust other people and their GREATEST FEAR is being EXPOSED.

Control freaks have an urge (addiction) to control everything, causing others stress so they can maintain a sense of order. These people are riddled with anxiety, fear, insecurity, and anger. They’re very critical of themselves their lover, their friends, peers and everyone around them; yet I want you to know underneath their pretty painted picture that their life is spectacular is a mountain of unhappiness and a depth of unbending rules. Their compulsion is an avoidance strategy designed to deny their emotional pain or allow themselves to avoid being responsible for the messes they create with the people they desire to control.

So what makes control freaks tick? What are tips to deal with them and heal from them?

Let’s keep it simple, shall we? Let’s talk about the Psychological Dynamics of the Control Freak.

Image for a moment we are behind the scenes taking an inside look at the Control Freak in your life. The inner workings of this person are fear and anxiety, yet this person is so out of touch with their emotions to be aware and is afraid to do so. Their work worries are others not acknowledging them for their accomplishments or how brilliant they are and they worry about failure. In relationships, they worry about themselves getting hurt and their needs not getting met. No one could live up their expectations.

To control their fears, the Control Freak makes every attempt to control the people or the environment around them. Control Freaks have difficulty with negotiation or compromise because they view these traits as weak. Imperfection in another from their view is very wrong and cannot be tolerated. Yes, control freaks are difficult to work with, live with and to participate in activities with.

It is very normal to have harsh resentments towards these kinds of people. Working with or being involved with a control freak is stifling to your identity and to your health. You feel shut down and restricted. It is as though they pressed the mute button on your life. You end up walking on eggs shells around this person because you need to follow along with their rules that you will never get right because they never disclosed the rules or take your thoughts and feelings into consideration. It is game that you can never win because by design you will never receive a rule handbook or notification when the rules change.

Yes this is why you resent these people.

I want to help you to see the situation differently, so you can heal quicker and you will no longer take these folks so personal. You may even see these folks from a comical and compassionate place.

Ready? Here is bottom line, the control freaks behaviors tell everyone around them that they are incompetent and they just cannot trust you or anyone. This is because the Control Freak is continuously defending him/herself against their fears and anxiety. I know this is not very clear when they are making their demands, yet beneath the surface, the Control Freak is fighting off their own deep seated sense of helplessness and ineffectiveness in which creates a lot of shame, guilt, anger and fear inside of the Control Freak. By becoming proficient at trying to control other people, they push away their own fear of being out of control and helpless. Controlling is a Fear-based management tool.

The control freak has a lot at stake, if you really think about it through their eyes. Remember when you have held a conversation or attempted engage them in some way, if you paid attention to their physiology, you would have noticed a shift in their physical appearance. This is because their emotional stakes involve protecting/defending their own identity and sense of well-being. Control gives them the temporary illusion of calmness. When they believe they are dominant, you can watch the tension leaking from them. The control freak is very alarmed and fear driven. Part of their strategy is to induce that fear in you with the indirect threat of loss. Since the emotional stakes are so high for them, they need to assert themselves with you so they do not feel so helpless. To surrender control is the same as being victimized and overwhelmed. When a control freak cannot control, they go through a series of rapid phases. First they become angry and agitated, then they become panicky and apprehensive, then they become agitated and threatening, and then they lapse into depression and despair. In layman terms, they Freak Out.

Repetition Compulsion
Control freaks become addicted to repetition compulsion. They repeat the same pattern again and again to avoid their fear, insecurities and pain that they feel. People they attempt to control may change yet the pattern of what they do is always the same. The repetition compulsion takes on a life of its own, which becomes delusional. Rather than feel calmer and therefore have a diminished need to be controlling, their behavior locks them into the same pattern in a voracious way. It becomes their drug of choice. Always needing more victims to control and feed off of. Even though the Control Freak is a Master at controlling and manipulating others, the successes do not register in their internal scoreboard. The insanity truly is they have to fight off the same threat again and again with increasing rigidity and narrow-mindedness. This leads the Control-Freak to make the same life style choices all starting and ending in the same manner. Nothing really changes for the Control Freak. They do the same thing over and over.

Two Types of Control Freaks

Type 1 Control Freaks: The Type 1 control freak is strictly attempting to cope with their fear in an egocentric way. Their motive is to feel better. They are not very aware of you. Notice and see their agitation and nervousness. They usually do not make much eye contact when they are talking with you.

Type 2 Control Freaks: The Type 2 control freak is also trying to manage their fear in an egocentric way yet in addition they are very aware of you as opposed to the Type 1 control freak. The Type 2 needs to weaken you to feel better. Their mood rises as they push you down. They do not just want to triumph; they also need to believe that they have defeated you. They need you to feel helpless so they will not feel helpless. Their belief is that someone must feel helpless in any interchange and they desperately do not want it to be them. The Type 1 needs control. The Type 2 needs to control you.

Cutting the Strings with the Control Freak

1) Be calm. Control freaks tend to generate a lot of tension in those around them. Try to maintain a comfortable distance so that you can remain centered while you speak with them. Focus on your breathing. As they get more agitated and demanding, allow yourself to breathe slowly and deeply. By staying calm and focused, this often has the effect of relaxing them as well. If you get frantic you have joined the battle on their terms.

2) Speak very slowly. The normal tendency is to gear up and speak rapidly when dealing with a control freak. This will only draw you into the emotional turmoil and you will quickly be personalizing what is occurring.

3) Be very patient. Control freaks need to feel heard. The fact of the matter is they do not have that much to say. It is only when you engage them in a power struggle or challenge their disposition; they will have a lot to verbally unload. By listening and acknowledging them that you have heard them, and then they will resolve whatever the issue is and calmly move on.

4) Pay attention to your induced reactions. What is this person trying to emotionally induce in you? Notice how you feel when speaking with them. It will give you important clues as to how to deal with them more effectively and appropriately.

5) Initially, let them control the agenda. You control the pacing. If you stay calm and speak your truth slowly, you will be in command of the pacing of the conversation.

6) Treat them with kindness. Within most control freaks is a good measure of paranoia. They are ready to get angry and defend against what they perceive is a controlling hostile world. If you treat them with respect and kindness, their paranoia cannot take root. This will jam them up.

7) Make demands on them-- especially when dealing with the type 2 control freak. Ask them to send you something or do something for you. By asking something of them, you will be indicating that you are not intimidated or diminished by their behavior patterns. ( Yet if they do not deliver your request, do not take it personal, they are very unreliable. Unless the request allows them to control you more. )

8) Remember an old but poignant Maxim: “Those who demand the most often give the least.”

Keep in mind that control freaks are not trying to hurt you – they’re trying to protect themselves. Remind yourself that their behavior toward you isn’t personal; the compulsion was there before they met you, and it will be their forever unless they get professional help and have the willingness to change. You cannot make them get help. They are no different than a drug addict or an alcoholic. Their behavior is not a problem for them; it is a problem for you. They live in denial that a problem exists. Understand they are skilled manipulators, artful and intimidating, well-rehearsed storytellers and excellent at distorting reality.

In order to not feel degraded, humiliated and have your sense of self and self-worth assaulted, you need to reclaim your genuine worth so you do not allow yourself to be bulldozed by a controlling lover, family member, boss or friend. When you are caught up in a truly destructive/controlling attachment, the best response is to walk out and allow yourself to heal and detach. Understand that whatever you do, it will have a limited effect. These people are angry and afraid to let go of you. So it is your job to let go of them, protect yourself in the process… and allow you to grow and be who you truly are.


Genuinely,

Christine